Hi everyone, I came across this group in a state of desperation on my 2nd day of quitting weed. I’m 31, almost 32 y.o & have been smoking every day, multiple times a day, since I was 19. I have my medical card, & that’s always helped me to justify why using weed the way I do is okay. I have a short history of abusing other drugs, & weed is the only one I can/could do daily & continue to function. I always hold a steady job, graduated undergrad & received a masters degree, all while smoking weed. It’s like I’m 2 different people with 2 completely different ways of thinking (high vs not high). I have really bad anxiety, & smoking always makes it worse. But the messed up part is, I just continue(d) to do it because it’s the only high I can get without completely ruining my life. Whenever I’m high I realize all these things - why it really doesn’t have any medicinal benefits for me other than reducing nausea. Overall, I just want to get high. Harm reduction at its finest, I suppose. But there’s always been this underlying desire to quit - I don’t know what it feels like to be “normal”, or to be sober. I feel completely out of my body when I’m NOT high, & I don’t know what to do with myself. I become so angry and resentful that I can’t just “socially smoke”, & then usually I talk myself into why it’s okay to just smoke because “it’s only weed” & “why am I putting myself through this just for weed, I can smoke weed, everyone does”. But I’m really trying this time. I have 2 babies now, & as much as I know weed doesn’t make me a bad mom, there are a lot of ways in which I feel I would improve without it. But we’re on day 2 & needless to say I am MAD. Easily irritated, fighting with every fiber in my body not to drive to the dispensary to get some. This goal has been a replaying tape in my mind & soul for years & I hate being uncomfortable, I hate being irritable, I hate being someone I’m not used to being NOT high. I just need support from others who are having the same struggle. My husband also quit about a week ago; but he just doesn’t understand. He’s not an addict like I am, no drug abuse history, ex-military so very much in the “if you say you’re not going to smoke just don’t smoke” mindset. I need others who get it, who have to deal with being around it, especially now since it’s so commonplace in our society. I’m looking forward to meeting others with similar as well as different experiences, & I hope I can be of help to others, as well!
Hey there @jmsalines (Jenna)! I want to say a heartfelt welcome to the group. It’s clear that you’ve been through a lot. I can imagine how challenging it must be, especially with the two different personas you’ve described. But remember, the process of becoming your best self often involves facing some discomfort and uncertainty.
Your desire to be the best mom you can be is so admirable, and your kids will surely benefit from your decision. It’s not just about being a “bad” or “good” mom; it’s about being the happiest and healthiest version of yourself for their sake and yours. Your husband’s perspective may be different, but we’re here to provide the understanding and support you need. Together, we can navigate these challenges and make progress day by day.
I can relate a lot with what you’re saying, I’m also a mother of two. I’ve smoked daily for many years , I can’t say exactly how long but from my younger teens till now. I stopped for 2 months and I’m back smoking again, hoping I can get back to where I was! I had a huge health kick and was exercising eating extremely well lost loads of weight psoriasis cleared up, now back to the beginning again.
We can do this
X
I have psoriasis also! I guess we do have a lot in common😂 So nice to know others have been there. & like they say, relapse is a part of the recovery process. When you’re ready, you’ll know! 🩵
Ditto I’ve failed many times but now closing in on 60 days.