Quitting again, please wish me luck

I’m quitting again, so I thought I would try posting my story here, to see if that helps this time. I’m 50 and I’ve been smoking almost continuously for 30 years. The longest I stopped was for about a year, but I’ve stopped many times for weeks or months at a time.

I don’t know anyone who smokes/eats/vapes as much as me. For example, this Saturday I ate ~100mg, which is a lot, but my tolerance is so high right now it didn’t feel like that much. I can smoke a gram or two a day easily. If I have weed in my possession it’s pretty much guaranteed I’m stoned. But I’m a high functioning stoner and I’ve never had any major career or family problems because of my habit.

I’ve suffered from chronic depression my whole life, and when I discovered weed it was the first time I felt relief. I know now it can make depression worse, but it also got me through some difficult times I’m not sure I would have gotten through otherwise. But while it can relieve acute symptoms, it can also make things worse, I do understand this. I’m on a real antidepressant now, which does work, but it doesn’t make be feel happy the way weed can, so I still can’t seem to quit.

I know I can stop for a month or two. I’ll get strong withdrawal symptoms, but I’ve been through that enough times that I know I can do it. The problem is quitting completely. Once the withdrawal symptoms have subsided, my habitual cravings kick in, and I give in. I’m hoping this time will be different, I really do want to quit completely. I was able to quit smoking and I never think about that, but somehow this is much harder for me.

Anyway, that’s all for tonight. This was my first day sober, so far so good. I will try to post occasional updates. Thanks for reading and good luck to you on your journey!

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Thank you for sharing your story - really hope to hear more!!

Hi Marmalade!!

Thank you for sharing your honest and personal journey with chronic depression and how your experience with weed has played a role in it. It’s important to acknowledge the complexity of using substances like marijuana as a coping mechanism for mental health challenges.

Your account highlights a common dilemma that many individuals face when dealing with mental health issues. It’s understandable that when you first discovered relief through weed, it brought a sense of relief and comfort that might have seemed elusive before. Those moments of respite can be incredibly powerful, especially during difficult times.

Recognizing that marijuana can have both positive and negative effects on mental health is a significant step forward. While it’s understandable that it provided you with some relief from acute symptoms, it’s also crucial to consider the long-term impact it might have on your overall well-being.

It’s great that you’re now on a prescribed antidepressant that is proving effective for you. Antidepressants are tailored to help stabilize mood and provide a foundation for emotional well-being. While they might not provide the instant happiness that weed seemed to offer, their long-term benefits can be invaluable.

Quitting any substance, especially one that has offered relief in challenging moments, can be challenging. It’s important to approach this with patience and support. Perhaps exploring additional coping mechanisms and therapeutic techniques could supplement your journey toward better mental health. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, seeking social support (via this forum and elsewhere), and finding mindfulness practices might offer alternative avenues for managing your emotions.

Remember, your mental health journey is unique, and what works for one person might not work for another. The process of managing depression is a dynamic one, and it’s okay to seek help, experiment, and make adjustments along the way. You deserve to find a path that supports your well-being in the best way possible.

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I am 20 years older than you. I used and abused for the majority of those years since my teens.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life and in 2015 I did 8 weeks of outpatient group therapy.

At the beginning of 2016 I had a major breakdown and to avoid checking out I spent two different stays at inpatient psychiatric units, plus 12 ECT treatments.

I always convinced myself that Weed was the solution. May 2, 2022 I finally had enough of being sick and tired of being sick and tired and have not nor will I ever return to Weed ever again!

I have never been more at peace since Weed is no longer a part of my life.

You are the pilot of your own destiny and only you can choose to not return to using and abusing. Life is so much better
:pray::hugs::pray::hugs:

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Stutaz:

It’s heartening to know that you’re on a healthier path and experiencing a sense of tranquility that perhaps seemed elusive before.

With 400+ days of sobriety under your belt, you’ve shown that even in the darkest moments, there’s always the possibility of change and healing. Your journey reinforces the importance of seeking help, embracing healthier coping mechanisms, and making choices that promote your overall well-being.

Thank you for being a leader of our group here and on Facebook.

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We are all capable of so much more, than relying on substances which is a dead end road.

I am no magician, I have no secret potions or tricks up my sleeve and I too struggled with my own demons and ghosts in my closet and under my bed and inside my head.

You have to dig deep, perhaps deeper than ever before to push through what has been holding you back, time and time again! It is in there, you just have to get through all of voices inside your head telling to do that which will only make you feel like less, instead of more​:pray::hugs::pray::hugs:

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Thanks @stutaz and @Weedless for the encouragement. I know one of my issues is a lack of external consequences, which makes it easy to convince myself that it’s no big deal. Also a decade of quitting and restarting has created a bad pattern. I do believe if I can quit long enough I will get to a point where I don’t want to smoke weed anymore, but based on past experience I think that might take a couple years at least, so I have a long road ahead.

If your intentions are to truly want to quit, saying that it may take you several years to accomplish such a goal, is the same as saying that you are not ready to quit.

If the negatives of use Ann’s anbuse out weigh the positives, then making up reasons of why not to quit, will keep you in exactly the same place.

I for one could write a book of the reasons I always came up with for my not quitting and for me they all were very poor excuses. The only one I was fooling, in fact lying to, was myself.

Perhaps you need to consider what it is that you truly want and not let anything or anyone to stand in your way.

Sending you :pray::hugs::pray::hugs:

I don’t agree. I have quit for a full year before, so I know for a fact it will take longer than that, for me.

I don’t think I gave enough info about myself or my intentions for you to judge.

110% wishing you luck! Before I started smoking weed, I don’t think I’ve truly experienced depression, but I have definitely experienced anxiety. I did notice that smoking weed would take away those thoughts of anxiety, but only for an intermittent time. That was one of the draws to partaking. However, the more I used the less effective it seemed to be and in fact the last couple of months is when I noticed extreme paranoia and for the first time some true depressing and dark thoughts.

I too was also a nicotine user (vape and dip,) but quitting that was a cakewalk compared to quitting weed. One thing that has really helped me is to get rid of anything related that would trigger my cravings to consider returning. I’ve tried quitting in the past, saying, “When I run out, that’s it.” But of course, that was never the case. I literally had to commit by throwing out hundreds of dollars’ worth of paraphernalia, devices, and the actual weed itself. Getting rid of everything just really cemented in my mind that this is real, and I better be committed because if I go back, it’s gonna cost me an arm and a leg.

That’s really only step one though, the second part is to find something to replace that time and feeling while you were getting high. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands the past couple weeks when I would normally be stoned. But, it’s also given me a lot of time to find myself and rediscover who I truly am. I’ve returned to a couple of my hobbies, reconnected with people that I would often deny because I felt like getting high instead, and just learn what makes me click. Honestly, everyday has been a day of discovery and it’s far exceeded what I would experience when I was getting high!

Anyways, wanted to wish you a warm welcome to our little community! It’s always inspiring to me when I get to read something from someone new! Best of luck, I’m rooting for you, you can totally do this!

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I apologize for any comments which I made inappropriately or out of turn.

I had no right to assume or infer that I knew anything specific about you.

I do wish you the best of luck with your journey and peace of mind body and soul!

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I am so happy that you have invested the free time you have had on yourself, instead of choosing to get high.

The road you are on is not an easy one and dealing with real feelings can truly be daunting.

But the fact that you have come to the realizations, that you have shared, is truly an act of personal bravery.

I believe that as time goes by, if you can continue to abstain, that those daily miracles will continue to appear​:hugs::pray::hugs::pray:

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Wishing you peace of mind body and soul on your personal journey​:pray::hugs::pray::hugs:

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This website has been incredibly helpful, but what has worked for me is this: I’m keeping track, like many people getting sober, of how many days I have spent weed-free. When I want to give in, I realize I don’t ever want to have to start over, and that gives me the incentive to refrain. It really works for me. I’m only on day 11, but I’ll be damned if I’m going back!

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What a brilliant idea and self motivating strategy, keeping track of how many days you have remained clean!!!

Keep counting and soon you will not only be counting days, but weeks and months.

The further you get away from your beginning, the better you will feel, all the more reason to not revisit the beginning​:pray::hugs::pray::hugs:

Welcome to our community!!!

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No worries, I know your intention was good.

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Yeah I do this as well. I put something on google calendar so I can see how many days it’s been. I know I can get through the withdrawls, I’ve done that many times. For whatever reason it actually gets harder after that, once I’m back to my baseline. I continue to miss the feeling of getting high, but the negative aspects seem like less of a big deal as time passes. Along with depression, I also have ADHD which can make it harder to stick with a decision, but that’s just part of my challenge I guess.

I do believe I can quit completely, but it’s going to take a lot of willpower. I have to get to the point where I don’t think about it any more, like I am with cigarettes, but I do think that will take a very long time, years probably, and I have to maintain my willpower until that point.

Exercise is actually the best thing I can do, because it improves my mood and makes me want to stay healthy, I just have to make sure I stick to that routine as well.

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Congratulations on reaching day 11 and for finding a strategy that works so well for you. Keeping track of your weedless days is a powerful way to maintain your motivation and remind yourself of the progress you’ve made. Each day is a step forward, and as you said, the thought of having to start over can be a strong incentive to stay on course.

Remember that every small victory counts, and you’re building a foundation for a healthier and happier life. It’s not about the number of days but the commitment and determination you bring to your journey. Stay focused on your goals, surround yourself with support, and celebrate your successes along the way. You’ve got this – your resilience will carry you through to even greater milestones!

It’s interesting how the desire to return to that familiar feeling can still linger, even after the difficult withdrawal phase. But the fact that you’re recognizing the trade-offs between the temporary pleasure and the longer-term negative aspects shows strong self-awareness.

Having both depression and ADHD presents a unique set of obstacles, but you’re absolutely right that these challenges are a part of your journey. Remember that progress isn’t always linear; there might be moments of difficulty, but each step forward counts.

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Making that mental shift and understanding the cost, not just financially but also in terms of your well-being and progress, is a crucial step. Your approach shows that you’re dedicated to giving your best effort and that you understand the importance of fully committing to your decision.