I smoked my first joint in the summer going into the seventh grade. I remember it was a strawberry paper joint. So I was pretty young back then. Once I got into Junior High I met a bunch of new friends and we would party every Friday, we’d all buy a joint and get a GI’Q, basically a 40 ouncer of beer. Seemed like all my friends back then the older siblings, as did I have an older brother so it was always easy to get weed back then. It was the Mexican era $20 for a half ounce and 40 for a whole ounce. I played hockey and the most of our players were partiers. I always was one of the better players and was feeling pressure to do well. Sports anxiety developed. I wanted to quit playing but my mom was begging me to play. She even offered to pay me to play. So I played. Come to find out she wanted me to play cuz she was going out on my step father. She ended up divorcing me dad and leaving him and us kids. I was the second child of four. The partying increased innocently enough.
So I’m now in high school, pretty much nobody home much of the day. Mom would stop in every now and then and make sure us kids were O.K and our needs were met. She has hanging out and here boyfriends house most of the time. So once in high school I meet more friends and the partying increases. We had a smoking area back the in HS and we’d go out there and buy joints for $.50 cents. Smoke and go to class. Then we got into skipping class, sitting in the parking lot and smoking down with whoever would skip class. Was introduced to mescaline and blotter acid. I wasn’t much interested in school by then. Mom still wasn’t around much. I had skipped so much my counselor called my told my mom I should quit school. The summer going into the 11th grade I got a full time job from a friend of mine whose brother was a foreman at a fabrication shop. I also had money before from paper route, dishwasher and other part time jobs before I got this full time over the summer job. So I always had a cash. So I start 11th grade. I was more interested in working than going to school. I would skip to work. So I quit the 11th grade. My mom finds out three months later, all the while I’m working full time. More cash.
Now I’m working full time. Mom and dad are divorced and mom wants to give the house back to dad and move in with her new boyfriend who later becomes my stepdad. My first stepdad now moves back in, he’s got a new life and girlfriend. I try and stay at home but it just wasn’t working in the new environment. The guy who got me the job in the fabrication shop has a house a a few of us move in with him and rent rooms. A couple of the guys start dealing weed and it around all the time. There were two drummers who were in bands we worked with so we were always partying or going to parties and bars to see bands. I did learn to play the drums. Got pretty good. Life was good living in the party house. We all drove to work together, smoked on the way to work smoked at lunch, smoked on the way home, smoked at home after dinner, before bed. I was high all the time. Work got slow in Detroit and my brother moved to Houston, I was laid-off so I decided to join him down there. We had really good jobs making good money. The weed down there was way better than in Detroit. Also started smoking mandrix, occasionally. Wasn’t so much into that but the weed down there was awesome. Work down there dried up after about a year and we move back to Detroit. I get my old job back but work is still very slow and move back into the party house. I started taking drafting class to get out of the shop and get a decent job. After schooling was completed my stepdad gets me an engineering job. Still smoking all the time now I got a career job.
New job is good of course all the stoners hung out and met some new friends. Partiers of course. I move in with my mom and new stepdad to try and save some money. Now I have to leave the house a lot to go party. There were a lot of cocaine parties back then and we were fully engaged. Live was good, had money, good job, good weed drugs things were good. About this time I was having anxiety issues and the doctor put me on blood pressure medication due to high blood pressure and gave me Xanax for anxiety. Was taking the Xanax but was giving a lot of them away to friends also. I was self medicating quite heavily by then. Then a tragedy my older brother and his girlfriend get killed in a motorcycle accident coming home from the bar. We were really close about 18 months apart and I, our whole family was devastated. This shook me to the core. I didn’t want to go to his funeral but my mom begged me. I told her I couldn’t see him like that. She said I had to go for his friends. It was a really bad time for our whole families. It not something you ever get out over but you learn to live with it. Work was hard, just everyday tasks were hard. Starting smoking way more and after a while moved out of my moms place.
Got my own place now, things are still bad started to get counseling to try and put my life back together. Seemed to work getting through the loss of my brother. Still smoking a lot, and now I start dealing weed. So I got a good job, money, good drugs, now free cuz I’m dealing and doing pretty good a it. I bounced around a few jobs getting increases in pay at each new job. More money. I end up buying a brand new Harley Softail Classic. So at this new job I ask this hot chick if she’ll go out with me. She says yes and we go out on a ride and a few other dates and start hanging out getting to know each other better. We end up getting engaged and married more than 30 years ago. And she doesn’t party, drinks a little, but doesn’t smoke. Maybe a hit once every five years. We’re not living together yet so I can smoke when we’re not together. She knows I party no big deal. We end up buying a house and meet some neighbors. A guy down the street is a big pot head and it selling it, if I need it. I end up smoking a lot again. Wife doesn’t like it the smell cost everything about it. I start hiding my use. Still can smoke a little at home but just enough not to poss her off. Now I’m getting busted all the time hiding my use.
I’ve still had anxiety and started getting the seasonal depression thing. At this point trying to abstain as much as possible. I would be yo-yoing from smoking to not smoking. Anxiety was getting worse. Went back to heavy using again totally hiding it. There a lot a tension cuz of my use but I seem to function with no problem. I was smoking in the middle of the night cuz I couldn’t sleep. I would smoke on the way to work, at lunch and on the way home from work cuz once I got home I couldn’t. Was sneaking smoking every chance I got. I got another got job opportunity and there drug testing now so I decide to quit. It was difficult, it wasn’t any different than what a lot of people experienced here. I get the job go back to smoking.
I do this several times over the next few years to get better employment. Thing’s are going smoothly and now medical marijuana is now legal in Michigan. I manipulated my we to get a MMMC so I need to smoke now cuz of my anxiety depression and back issues. I’m fully engaged agin, now I got cart. Know one ca really smell that, but the buzz for me wasn’t the same as smoking. So I go back and forth between smoking and vaping. Now I’m getting tired of it cuz I’m getting older and the effects and making me not a motivated anymore.
I was planning on retiring in the next few years. I decided to quit. I knew I didn’t want to smoke anymore once I retired. We did a lot of work to get to this stage in our lives with retirement planning so I was excited and looking forward to it. I decided to quit the last few years I was working. I had a lot of work anxiety at my job we were managed by threats and intimidation. Couldn’t wait to retire. I have now for several weeks and months at a time. No less than ten times at least I went through this. It doesn’t get any easier each time. Each time I’d go back to smoking to reward myself I get higher than the last time. Got to the point where when I smoked all I wanted to do was veg. I was good and quitting and just fought there each time as it was harder and harder, and the symptoms got stronger and worse each time. I’m still pretty active so I was working out a lot and still playing hockey most of time. It helped, but I always went back to reward myself. I can quit no problem.
Now I’m retired and not smoking feeling really good. Things are awesome way less anxiety and stress. Starting playing Pickleball and Hockey. I’m work out and dropping weight feeling really good. I did smoke at a couple of social gatherings and no problems. Start smoking a little bit again. I started having health issues I always had high blood pressure, and now my heart rate is up. So I quit again, all the times I have quit have been cold turkey. This time BP an HR are really up especially HR. My Fitbit says I at like 160bpm just sitting there. This goes on for about 2 weeks. Go to the Doctor he ups my meds and scheduled to see him in the next week. Still feel terrible. Now I’m breaking out in hives. Going through withdrawals here still but not sure what else is going on. Come to find out I was developed an allergy to my BP meds. And I been on these for the past several years. Doctor changes my meds and I’m starting to come out of the short term withdrawal symptoms. BP comes down HR is back to normal. This is the best my BP has been in years and the anxiety I was feeling subsides. Feeling way better. I’m really happy found a good BP med that works for me. My resting HR is in the upper 50’s. I’m playing hockey pickleball, dropping weight, retired, life is good.
I just smoked a bit this past new year 2024 I smoked about a 1/4oz. in about a week. The symptoms can back really strong. This is it for me I’m done. Of course I’ve said that several times. I’ve definitely noticed as I have gotten older and been through more cycles of using and quitting is harder and more severe. Plus the effects of the high are not what they used to be. I was a functioning addict for a long time and enjoyed using for many years, but now being retired I have goals in the future.
