Hi This really resonated with me as we have a lot of similarities. I also have chronic depression. I thought that getting sober would significantly help with my chronic fatigue, lack of motivation, etc. And while quitting weed definitely made that stuff better- I realized I will always have to combat these symptoms. I also felt like I could smoke more than anyone else I knew and that’s probably because I was. All day everyday from sunrise to sunset and even in the middle of the night if I woke up. I would go through 90% 1g carts in a day or so while also smoking flower from blunts, bongs, and adding wax on top. And the sad part is most of the time I barely felt high or even enjoyed it. All while getting my bachelors degree, being a paraprofessional and most recently getting my master’s degree. I went to class high and work high, drive high- hell would take hits WHILE driving …
POINT IS- You’re not alone… I can’t speak for you but I smoked so long and so much especially during some of the lowest points in my life that weed became a comfort and support for me. It was more than a mindless habit, I convinced myself that it was meaningful and helpful. But what was it helping or doing if I couldn’t even feel the effects due to my insane tolerance? And what does being high solve? All the while making my anxiety worse, causing me to vomit and hack up my lungs everyday, risked my job and endangered my livelihood…
I would argue that the weed didn’t help us through hard times but rather distracted us. It was a relief to smoke because we could take our minds off the pain but it didn’t address or solve any actual hardships. Antidepressants will help with depression and stabilize your baseline mood but so much more is needed to feel “happy”. You are so much more ahead than I think you realize. You have done a year before and that counts for something and is guiding you through trying again. I know you might think you have to “beat” your last streak of a year to feel like you’re making any progress but I don’t think that’s accurate. These first few weeks are just a meaningful as the that first year. The past is in the past and you could choose to never be sober again. But you’re here and you’re trying and inevitably stronger than ever. Keep up the great work!!!
Welcome WeedWhacker and glad to have you as part of our young community!
Realizing that your (incredibly!!) high tolerance was dampening the effects, and questioning what being high really solved, is a powerful revelation. It’s moments like these that pave the way for growth and positive change. It’s evident that you’ve gained a deep understanding of the impact your choices were having on various aspects of your life.
As you said, weed can provide a temporary escape from our difficulties, offering a momentary respite from pain, but it doesn’t address the underlying issues. And antidepressants can certainly contribute to stabilizing mood, but they’re just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to finding happiness and fulfillment.
Best wishes to you and look forward to staying apprised of your progress.
I think this can be true sometimes for some people, but unfortunately not all hardships have solutions. I’m not saying weed is a good distraction, but healthy distractions are important to almost everyone. Weed is not a healthy distraction for me personally, so I’m refocusing that desire for escape on other activities that are, such as cycling and music.
It does sound like we have a lot in common. I appreciate your kind words and I hope you achieve your goals as well.
My least pleasant withdrawal symptom is nightmares. I do have occasional nightmares when I’m at my baseline too, but they’re definitely stronger now. Weed suppresses them completely, but it suppresses normal dreams too, which doesn’t seem healthy.
The beauty of recovery is that each new day, we are granted the opportunity to not use and start anew.
Whatever clean time anyone has succeeded with can never be taken away.
And I totally agree that Weed only dulled and numbed our physical and psychological pain, but it solved and resolved nothing.
For me, after a lifetime of use and abuse, it was not until I had truly had enough of being sick and tired of being sick and tired and no longer wanted to be that hamster on the wheel just going around and around, in my own insanity!
This really resonated with me as we have a lot of similarities. I also have chronic depression. I thought that getting sober would significantly help with my chronic fatigue, lack of motivation, etc. And while quitting weed definitely made that stuff better- I realized I will always have to combat these symptoms. I also felt like I could smoke more than anyone else I knew and that’s probably because I was. All day everyday from sunrise to sunset and even in the middle of the night if I woke up. I would go through 90% 1g carts in a day or so while also smoking flower from blunts, bongs, and adding wax on top. And the sad part is most of the time I barely felt high or even enjoyed it. All while getting my bachelors degree, being a paraprofessional and most recently getting my master’s degree. I went to class high and work high, drive high- hell would take hits WHILE driving 
…
