I usually start smoking weed right after I wake up in the morning. It’s literally get up, let the dog out, go to the bathroom, bring the dog in, light up.
Yesterday I realized I had a problem. I had wondered about it before, but I wasn’t honest with myself and convinced myself that it wasn’t a problem at all. I’m at the point that I’m using grocery money to buy weed. When I started figuring out the logistics of how I can make it work, I stopped and was like WTF. This isn’t ok. So, I looked up cannabis addiction and found a list of questions to ask yourself to see if you might have a problem with cannabis. I answered most of the questions as “yes”. I decided to quit.
Then I lit up. I told myself I would finish what I have and then not buy more. But today I’m seeing that as a deceptive thought produced by addiction. I was so used to feeling high all the time that now I don’t feel comfortable sober and my mind is trying to trick me.
I need to stop. I’m a 47 y/o woman and my lungs aren’t what they used to be. My doc thinks I have copd, but insurance won’t pay for the test until I’m 50. I’ve started using an inhaler. I still want to smoke.
Yesterday I smoked before bed, and a bit before that. Today, however, I haven’t smoked weed at all. I’ve been very good. I’ve also been more active. I cleaned my kitchen, cleaned my bedroom, and did some work. I feel good. Productive.
Now I have to figure out how to stay this way because I keep staring at my stash box. I know that if I wanted to smoke, I can. And if I didn’t have any weed I’d be going for the resin. It’s only 1 pm, but it’s really hard. I want to have some weed so bad.
Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get it off my chest. I feel better, but I think I’m going to find something else to do because I need a distraction. Watching TV is no good because I like to smoke while watching it, so that’s increasing my cravings.
Thank you for reading.