Relapsed and it started all over again

General
1

Hi all. I relapsed on Day 17 or 18, and then 2 days later went right back into withdrawal. I didn’t think it would be as bad but it’s proving to be, well, just as bad as the first time. My stomached flared up again Saturday and today. I guess today is Day 5 again. I was naive and just started eating normal again. Going back to the rice and chicken diet for a while until I feel my stomach calm.

Today was also in general stressful. I can’t get into my family doctor until late next week to get all paperwork filled out for EI and work. Which resulted in a breakdown. I am thankful my partner was there to support me through the tears.

My friends are reminding me this is just a valley in life’s peaks and valley’s. I feel silly looking for an in person support group for cannabis. I live in a city with a reputation for harder drug users, and I just feel like I’d be rejected. Which is a total assumption with no proof.

It seems this time around my anxiety is higher. This is probably because going through this a second time makes me feel dumb. I also feel like I don’t have control over my body, which I really don’t like.

Does anyone else just get a sensation from the head down, that just takes over all parts of your body? It comes randomly. Sometimes it results in stomach issues, or the sweats. It’s hard to explain but I’m sure some of you might understand.

Thanks for reading my post. Words of encouragement mean a lot right now.

1 Like
2

Hey! Know that setbacks happen on the road to recovery, and you’re not alone in facing them. Your friends are right – life has its ups and downs, and you can rise above this valley. Stay strong, and keep moving forward.

1 Like
3

Hi Brett,

I just wanted to say total props for owning it and coming here to share it. I’m sure that wasn’t easy. I’ve thought about using many times, it’s an easy temptation. I’ve justified in my head that my CHS won’t be bad if I just didn’t it once, or a day, or maybe two and that’s it. So, you aren’t alone. Your human.

I’ve tried to be as open and honest on this forum as I can be, but not sure I’ve ever been transparent about how hard psychologically the symptoms affected me. I would be positive for the right reasons, but feeling crummy, and feeling really crummy two times within a 30 day period is hard, and I understand your anxiety with the stop - start - stop again. Some of us are so stubborn we think we got it…and our body says please no more!

You know in your heart why you used, so I’ll challenge you to closely exam that and understand your triggers and try to document the triggers, and avoid them. Sounds simple, but when I began to look closely at what I was experiencing when I got the cravings, I started to make some connections, which led to acknowledgment and hopefully changes that stick.

On the physical front, I feel you because I had CHS and gave it to myself by stopping and starting many times over a 3-4 month period and each time it was harder and harder to the point I passed out one day 5 times from vomiting and pain. Your body is telling you, it’s had enough, and if you don’t listen, it could get worse each time.

I will be thinking about you, and, looking for your posts after recommitting to be weedless to help support and rally. I’ve stayed sober (daily effort right now), but got a kidney stone and have a stent in my ureter that is so painful and I think about smoking every day to stop the pain…only 9 more days (God be with me) until it comes out. We can commiserate together anytime.

More than anything though, I’m so glad to hear you have support in your partner. Don’t forget to lean on them…you strike me to be the kind of person that returns it ten fold.

Sorry this is so long, what I’m trying to say is, you aren’t alone. <3

All my best to you,
A

2 Likes