My weed journey

I just discovered this forum because my mom actually told me about it, but here I am sharing my story.

I started vaping nicotine around the end of my freshman year of high school, and quickly became addicted. I had been struggling with my mental health for years at this point, and was looking for a way out. Nothing seemed to work. No therapy, medication, anything. I was hopeless. I decided I was going to end my life, but before that, I would have some fun. I bought my first cart before I had ever smoked before. I took a few hits and just went ham. Smoked every night from the start. After about two weeks, my parents caught me and realized that my mental health had been declining for years and saw this as a breaking point. I was admitted to an inpatient facility shortly after, and things started to look up.

Sophomore year started and I was still vaping nicotine, but I became hooked on weed almost instantly. I was constantly thinking about smoking weed, even though I had only smoked for two weeks. One day at school, I had an anxiety attack and a girl offered me her dab pen. I gladly accepted it and started to hit her pen occasionally, every few days at school. I started hitting hers every day, so I went and bought my own. I figured I would be able to manage it and not smoke too frequently, just when I needed that extra support.

In a short period of time, I was hitting my weed pen from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. I never attempted to quit, no matter how many times my parents caught me. After months of this, they threatened to send me to rehab and I still persisted.

That summer, they decided that they would not allow me to return to the public school in my town that had been fueling my addiction. I applied to a Catholic school, and started attending at the beginning of junior year. I didn’t quit vaping nicotine or weed at this point, though. I quickly found people that vaped and in particular, I connected with another transfer student in a very similar situation as I was. I was still smoking every day, and I was miserable as a transfer student.

I almost got caught in school, however, and that drove me to stop hitting weed during the school day, only nicotine. It was extremely difficult at first, as my cravings were basically unbearable. I was desperate for anyone that would have it, and would even leave school early to go home and hit my cart.

Around February, I decided that enough was enough, and I would stop smoking weed. I took a tolerance break for almost three months, and after the first week or two, the cravings improved DRASTICALLY. But I was still vaping, and it was always in the back of my mind.

Weed got me through the worst of times, so I had an emotional attachment. All my friends smoke, school was impossible, and it became too much. I decided to smoke occasionally, but of course that never works out. I bought my own cart again, and I am back to smoking from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I am not exaggerating when I say I go through a gram in about a day, two if I’m lucky.

I have tried to decrease my usage over the summer and starting senior year, but it has only increased. My parents have caught me consistently throughout all of this, and it has destroyed our relationship. I have been grounded indefinitely for the past two years, haven’t been able to get my driver’s license (I’m almost 18), and I won’t be allowed to go to college if I continue this route.

The thing making it so difficult is that I am still productive when I smoke. My tolerance is so high that I need to hit my cart to feel normal. I will hit a blinker and be dead sober. I still had straight A’s throughout this time, I am a people-pleaser (especially adults), and I am extremely passionate about the medical field. I am a ski patroller and a lifeguard, and I hope to be a doctor one day. I attended a medical conference at Johns Hopkins over the summer and was “high” the entire time. I was smoking weed, but I still felt sober. I just needed it to eat and sleep.

I’ve been working with quit coaches for nicotine and weed for almost two years now, but recently joined a support group for quitting nicotine and I decided to take the steps to quit, finally.

Today is the end of day 2 quitting nicotine and weed, and it is difficult. I haven’t smoked weed, I have hit friends’ vapes occasionally, but I was smoking equivalent to around two packs of cigarettes a day. I started using the patch today, and nicotine cravings improved DRAMATICALLY. I am also trying to wein myself off using zyns and nicotine gum, but I am aware that this could turn into another addiction and I’m trying to do it in moderation.

I really want to be fully in remission by the time I leave for college, because knowing my addictive personality, I’ll get into hard drugs at some point or another. I’m glad that I have this awareness now, and I hope that anyone reading this that smokes weed never gets to my stage of (diagnosed) severe cannabis use disorder, and quitting now is the best thing you can do for yourself. During my tolerance break, things were so much easier by week two, and by week three I was barely thinking about it anymore.

Anyways, thank you for reading and you are all so strong. We will get through this, one day at a time!